The Bookworm Gets Sexy: Sex Magic

The Bookworm Gets Sexy: Sex Magic


Many thanks to my partner Ryan, for taking the above sexy picture and for experimenting with me.
I love feedback so feel free to reply to this email or contact me at my preferred internet lurking places down at the bottom. If you know about some resources I’ve missed, lemme know. 

Let’s Get It On–Magically
or
Some Basic Sex Magic

Sex magic, essentially, is exactly what it sounds like. If you take the essential equation of magic (ritual+intention) and sexualize the ritual, you get sex magic. Unsurprisingly, sexual magic practices have been around for a long time. According to Frater U.D. in his book Sex Magic, “It is considered a virtual certainty that there were sex magical cults and practices in past times, about which admittedly we know little for sure.” (U.D., 3) Sex magic was used around the world including in shamanistic fertility rites, Sumerian temple prostitution, phallus worship in the Egyptian cult of Isis, tantric Buddhism, Kundalini yoga, Taoist tantra, and more. However, U.D. warns “it would be wrong to speak of a continuous tradition of sex magic. Although it might seem quite likely, it cannot be proven in a historical or objectively secure way.” (U.D., 5)

Yeah, yeah, so sex magic has been around forever. But how do you do it? Well, obviously, there are as many ways to practice sex magic as there are cultures who practice(d) it, if not more. I wasn’t sure either so I did some book research. Most of what I found was based in more Western, heteronormative, often male-centered practices. And often they were ceremonial magic-based. Nothing wrong with that, but ceremonial magic isn’t exactly my bag. It’s a little too uptight about steps and rituals and training for me. Sure enough, many of the books, including U.D.’s suggested weeks if not months of prep work for what was essentially the combining of two of my favorite interests.

So, of course, I didn’t do any of it. I knew people who’d winged sex magic and it seemed to work for them. Yes, I’d read there were risks. U.D. had a whole section on it, though he says “the real hazards of sex magic are barely any different from the dangers of magic and sexuality in general. However, since sex magic packs an enormous punch, it also stands to reason that as a practitioner of this discipline you will have to exert a much greater effort to sidestep the dangers or, at the very least, to be adequately prepared for them… [but] magic is no more risky than driving a car.” (U.D., 226). He cites energy vampirism (where a partner takes all the energy from the other participant[s]), doing it wrong, fear, megalomania, fanaticism, self-delusion, projections of blame, errors of spiritualization (this one was a bit confusing but seemed to mean “trying to pick up chicks by inviting them to your sex ritual”), magical ricochet (mostly if you’re in a magical fight), and developing a dependency on sex magic. (U.D. 226-239)

Okay, I thought, let’s try it and see what happens. So I did. There are three basic ways to do sex magic: by yourself, with a partner, with a group. A lot falls under these categories, but for the sake of simplicity, I’m boiling it down to the number of people involved. Due to time and inclination, I tried two out of the three and as Meat Loaf says, that ain’t bad.

Solo Fun

You may not have to do weeks of prep for your ritual, but it doesn’t hurt to do some advance planning. Don’t just be sitting the bathtub listening to the Only Lovers Left Alive soundtrack feeling all sexy with your rose scented bath bomb and decide to see if you can put some of what you just read about to the test. It doesn’t really work, or at least it didn’t for me. In hindsight, it would’ve helped if I’d done some meditating, decided what I wanted to do the spell on before starting, and closed the damn door so that cats wouldn’t come in.

Some things you can you do with your bad self:

-Charge a sigil or talisman– Put that bad boy in your subconscious the fun way. Be sure to have it in the line of sight though, it’s really easy to get distracted.

-Train your concentration for later sex practices– This is a worthwhile practice. Maintaining my concentration was probably the single biggest problem I had with my sex magic.

-Try to fuck a succubus/incubus– I kid you not, this is a thing. U.D. basically defines this as having sex with an astral demon and warns that it can be addicting and draining. These demons can be summoned with a sigil and lucid dreaming.

Fun with a partner

I did more prep work for this one, mostly to make sure my partner and I were on the same page. We set up some nice lighting, closed the door, and meditated together on the mantra we had come up with, holding hands. My partner and I both felt focusing effects during the meditation.

We also swigged about two shots worth each of vodka straight out of the bottle because we’re chaos-y like that. Then we had sex. I found having to keep a mantra in my head was very distracting and pulled me out of the moment a lot. My partner also had problems with trying to maintain focus on the mantra.

When we finished, I banished the energy in the room. My partner felt energized, whether it was the magic, an energy imbalance, or the vodka, I felt like going immediately to bed–and pretty much did. We’re interested to keep experimenting, but I don’t think the mantra method is one for us.

Some things you can do with your boo:

-Charge that sigil or talisman together– See above.

-Do a spell with a mantra– Maybe you’ll be better at it than we are.

-Deity work- Get possessed by ancient deities! What could go wrong? Check out Sex, Sorcery, and Spirit by Jason Miller for more on how to do this.

Group fun

Sex magic with more than one partner falls into two categories: those with a leader and those without. Again I would suspect planning is a big thing here, especially if there’s no one person to guide the group. Have a ritual you found or created ahead of time as a template before you get down and dirty.

Get your occult friends with benefits together and try some of these sex rituals:

The Great Rite– This is a big deal for Wiccans and considered in many covens as the “highest level attainable” (U.D. 207). It’s the union of the god and the goddess and is consummated by a priest and priestess identifying as the deities.

The Night of Pan– Best performed in warm weather, this seems to be basically a ritualized bacchanal.

The Astral Sabbat– This is for advanced level magicians who leave their bodies all the time and want to have some sexy magic times while they’re out and about.

This is far from a complete list. I’d like to finish this off with a note about consent: it should be there, it should be vocal, it should be enthusiastic. Don’t coerce anyone into sex magic, if they don’t want to do it, respect their wishes. And absolutely don’t do sex magic with someone who doesn’t know you’re doing it, whether because they’re unconscious (or dead, or an animal) or because you’re doing it during sex without telling them. It’s always better when everybody’s willing. If no one else wants to do it, masturbate.

Resources For Further Sexiness

Occult Sexiness

Sex Magic by Frater U.D.- This is a pretty comprehensive book, though I think it is rather skewed towards ceremonial and chaos magic. Also, I really would’ve liked more U.D. to be a little more condemning of bestiality and necrophilia practices.

Honorable Mentions or the books I didn’t have time to finish

Yoni Massage by Michaela Riedl- I am always here for sex practices that focus on pleasure for us vulva owners. If you want to explore your own or your partner’s, this book has a lot of interesting things you can try.

Taoist Foreplay by Mantak Chia and Kris Deva North- This is more along the lines of healing but it has some interesting content. However, the wordage could’ve used an edit and really, if you’re going to blur out someone’s dick in a sex book, maybe don’t outline it again in MS Paint.

Magia Sexualis by Paschal Beverly Randolph and Maria De Naglowsaka- If you want to get into old ceremonial sex practices, this is the book that gets referenced a lot. Like many older occult texts, it’s shrouded in a cross between mystery and questionability but it’s got some historical value.

Sex, Sorcery, and Spirit by Jason Miller- I wish I had had more time to finish this book. It had a lot of cool breathing exercises and touched on more Eastern traditions and more modern ideas of consent and sexuality, which I appreciated.

Non-occult Sexiness

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski- This is one of those sex books I think everyone should read. There is so much in here that will blow your mind and change your sex life. If you want the spark notes version to some of it, she has many TED talks and podcast interviews.

A Quick & Easy Guide to They/Them Pronouns by Archie Bongiovanni and Tristan Jimerson- Though not really about sex, gender is important to people’s self-worth and how they view themselves.

Sex Plus: Learning, Loving, and Enjoying Your Body by Laci Green- Probably the best general sex ed book I’ve ever read. I’d recommend it to everyone interested in sex.

Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free by Linda Kay Klein- Purity is a concept that is tied into our sexuality far too frequently. Don’t know why that’s damaging? Read this book.

Gross Anatomy: Dispatches from the Front by Mara Altman- Again, not entirely about sex, but our bodies are part of the whole having sex thing (usually), so getting to know them, warts and all is a step on the way to accepting them.

The Sex Myth: The Gap Between Our Fantasies and Reality by Rachel Hills- A really interesting dive into how sex is perceived and performed and whether all your friends are really having more sex than you are.

Coming Out Like a Porn Star: Essays on Pornography, Protection, and Privacy ed by Jiz Lee- A great anthology about porn by the people who make it.

Oh Joy Sex Toy! By Ericka Moen and Matthew Nolan- A wonderful webcomic with lots of amazing reviews and sex facts.

America Unzipped: In Search of Sex and Satisfaction by Brian Alexander- An exploration of sexuality and kink in American culture. A little dated but fun.

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